Welcome home

We have the flu. Charles doesn't have an internship. He is out of a job in two weeks. I haven't slept in a while. Ella in between being sick slipped and hit her lip on the coffee table. It busted right open. It must be Monday.



On the bright side Ella stood up all by herself for awhile yesterday.

With love,

Today is always a rough day. This year it has been especially tough. I have felt battered from all sides. Stephen has been gone for four years. It seems like so long but at the same time so short. I felt close to him in a different way this year, I was pretty sick through Thanksgiving break. All of us kids were there except Jacob and Stephen who are serving missions. I couldn't eat Thanksgiving dinner. It reminded me of Stephen being sick through Thanksgiving dinner. He had been so excited for it but was to out of it when it was time to eat. For some reason I have remembered more of the bad depressing things this year, so tonight I decided to post a story I wrote after he died. It helps me to remember the carefree days of my childhood before we all met cancer.



Bare Feet
The Cape, paradise, the shore, all names for the well known family vacation spot in the north east. I remember when I went with my family to the cape, the summer sits fresh in my memory, kinda like when you get seawater in your mouth and you can taste the salt for hours afterward. Back before my brother Stephen died my parents rented a beach house near an ocean inlet. That week was one of pure delight where the normal world was replaced by fresh salty air and close toed shoes were kicked off so bare feet could run free. Every day offered new sights to see, new things to experience.
One morning we decided to go out and do some exploring. Pettit’s are renowned for their exploring; this is also known as we get lost a lot and end up making an adventure out of it. This time we wanted to get lost on purpose, we wanted to go out and lose ourselves in the beauty of the cape. Packing a lunch we piled into the canoe and kayaks. Leaving the cabin behind we set of hungry for new experiences, thirsty for new sights. Pushing off into the salt marsh, muscles strained to get the canoe into deeper water. Soon we were gliding out into the channel. Our paddles dipped and pulled a tune through the cool blue waves as we sang our way down the channel. I liked to watch the water churn up and around the canoe, it swirled and gurgled while reeds pushed up toward the sky on either side of us hiding the rest of the world. We marveled at the great birds which were startled out of the water as we made our way through.
Eventually we came to a small strip of sand poking out of the cool blue water. Lunch time! We stopped and set up camp. It didn’t take long for the five of us to snarf down some P B and J. Soon shouts and laughter could be heard as the five of us pounded up and down the length of the beach. We were sampling the raw taste if the wild, no one was around but us, we were free to do as we pleased. Soon the sand bar was dubbed Pettit Island, feeling pride in our ownership we built a castle to mark our new found status. Being a new colony we had no shovels or other tools to use, we had nothing but our bare hands and ingenuity. We scraped piles of coarse sand together letting the grains fall slowly through our fingertips, using water we made rough cement and put up towers, walls, and causeways. Falling back on our heels we marveled at our creation, taking pride in our handiwork.
The hours blended together as we explored tadpoles and basked in the warmth of summer sunshine. My dad taught us about the different birds which would visit the island, he showed us how the current had changed the landscape and where the best spots to fish would be. The sun became a glowing ball of crimson fire slowly sinking in the sky. I was startled to realize there were goose bumps on my arms, dusk was coming and the air had become chill. It was then that we observed that our already tiny island had shrunk in size. The tide was coming in and slowly reclaiming our small spit of land. We played in the water as it came in running around our feet. Splashing and spraying each other, we screamed in delight as we became thoroughly soaked. Too soon it was time to leave; we slowly took our places in the canoe and shoved off. Waving at our island we bid it a sad farewell. A lone gull landed on one of the few towers of our castle which still suck out defiantly above the water. We moved on silently making our way home. I turned back straining for one last look. The bird was still there, watching us as water lapped around the diminishing tower and we faded into the sunset.
Billboards and tourist guides all shout the wonders and enchantments of Cape Cod. They boast of its fine restaurants and luxury condos. They spin a story about the vast beaches and small coves. These things are all beautiful and exciting to see, but for me the magic was in Pettit Island. The rough sand squishing through my toes, the soft call of a heron as it skims the water, the smell of the salty air after an afternoon rainstorm. The sound of us all laughing and being together, just soaking in the warmth of family. If I were to go back to Pettit Island today, it would just be a plain sand bar, still poking out of the water during ebb tide. All trace of our frivolous afternoon washed away. That was one of our last family vacations before my brother was diagnosed with leukemia, for some reason I think back to the lone sea gull standing erect on the tower. He was ready to battle the tide for its perch, not fearing what was to come but content to enjoy what he had while it lasted. I held onto this image as I fought to come to terms with my brother’s sickness and death. That afternoon in Cape Cod seems like a distant dream of another life. It is when I think of this that I realize that the tide flows and ebbs and in the end the picture of what was is washed away. Only in memory is the print etched forever, a sand castle, bare feet, and a bird standing ready to fight the tide.

Love you Stephen

With love,
me

Just when you least expect it.

I had just finished up at the hair salon, I was paying when I noticed a small basket with bracelets in it and a picture of a young boy wearing a sports jersey. I asked my friend who it was. The boy's name is Jace, he is 7 and has leukemia.

Now I knew why the picture seemed so familiar, it reminded me of this one,


Apparently Jace's mom cannot work anymore because she needs to be with Jace at home and in the hospital. They are struggling and needed help. I donated some money and received this bracelet.

You cant see it but it says, "Iornman Jace"

I hope and pray for him and his family. My heart goes out to them because I too know what they are going through. The trips to the hospital, waiting, waiting, endless waiting for treatment, answers, anything. Praying for hope. May angels watch over them.

Here is their blog, http://ironmanjace.blogspot.com/ If you have a moment, I am sure they would appreciate your prayers.

Birthday Celebration

This year, when Charles asked what I wanted for my birthday, I told him to surprise me. He did an excellent job!
We celebrated on Tuesday, that morning he came home from work and made me buttermilk pancakes and scrambled eggs with bacon. Yum! Later that night we got a friend to baby sit and he took me to Applebee's. It was so nice to eat warm food and not have to get up every minute for Ella. It was also nice not to have any dishes to clean up! After dinner he took me to a cupcake cafe called The Cocoa Bean. We asked about the company, who set it up and found out they are opening one in Provo soon. We order a grasshopper cupcake. It was pretty darn good. (Actually I ordered, Charles would have picked plain ol vanilla, but it was my birthday so I got to choose.) It was good to see the competition... Well maybe they aren't yet but if I do open a bakery here then they will be. :)
We finished up with a glamorous trip to Walmart. We needed to pick up a few things. It was so nice to be able to hold Charles hand instead of juggling a baby and shopping cart! Going to Walmart made me realize how much I have become like my parents. They used to go to home depot or similar places for their dates. I used to think they were crazy but now I can see that the important thing was that they got out. Alone. With NO children tagging along.
All in all it was a splendid birthday. Here's to another great year being me!

Our In Home Entertainment System

It's my Birthday!

So I can do nothing all day if I want to.

Oh Yeah. :)

hi hi hi hi hi

Ella is very social. If you smile, wave, or say hi she will more than likely do it back to you one hundred times over. Today when we stood up for the rest hymn in sacrament meeting Ella thought the chorister was waving at her (we sit near the front). She was soooo excited she started to wave frantically, then when the chorister kept "waving" Ella got both hands going while giggling and bouncing up and down in my arms.

So cute!

Warm winter hat

Ella loves her new hat! Her favorite thing to do is rub her hands all over it. It is sooo soft!
By the way, see all that drool, yeah. Guess who is getting her first tooth!





A special thanks to Grandma R who made it!

Rub a Dub Dub...

Ella in the tub. I have never seen a baby so fearless around water! I actually have to take her face out of the water. Otherwise she would keep it in till she choked and came up coughing. She does it over and over and over.

I wonder who she gets that from...

I did it!

So you may remember when I decided to take part in the couch to 5K about 10 weeks ago. Well, guess what...


I DID IT!

For the last two weeks I have been running about 2.7 miles but today I ran the whole 3 miles.

Wow.

It took me one week longer than the plan because I was sick a few times in there but I did it! It feels great! Don't get me wrong, it was so hard. I have been running in 20 degree weather for the past few weeks. (this is only because the best time for me to run is around 7 a.m. if I went later in the day it would have been anywhere from 30 - 65 degrees.) Running never seems to fit easily in my schedule. Mornings are crazy with breakfast, feeding Ella, getting off to school etc.But I decided this was important enough so I made it work. Of course Charles played a huge role. He took care of Ella while I was out and got her ready on those mornings.
Other changes we have made are eating more veggies and less sweets. I can truthfully say that I haven't eaten this many vegetables since I left my parents house and became a poor college student. Yikes! I have tried to include some with every dinner and as a snack during the day.
The changes may seem small but to me they are huge! After having Ella I wasn't sure I would ever be able to run like I used to but seems I was wrong. If I can do this, you can to. It is such a great feeling to set a goal and accomplish it. If three miles seems like to much then start with one. It is all about what you think you can do. All I know is that doing anything, big or small, to live a healthier lifestyle is good step in the right direction.

(Thank you Judy and My Litter for giving me the initial encouragement!)

Hello my name is...

Ella!

She can say her name! So cute. I will have to get it on video. Tonight we were talking to her over dinner and I said her name, she said it back to me. Then Charles said it and she repeated it. Way to go us for picking an easy to say name! Now if she would only say ma ma ma ma ma ma.....

I will have to get it on video so you can enjoy the fun.